Painful

Loneliness is painful. Without a doubt, this was the most frequently mentioned experience of loneliness. Words that have been used to describe this type of pain include, hurt, sorrow, ache, sadness, depression, torn up, bleeding, and broken. Clearly the pain is one in which the lonely individual feels damaged, as though someone their spirit was crushed.

 People help us to figure out what talents we have, we our good points and our bad points are. In other words, people help us maintain a sense of identity. When we are lonely, and no one is around to give us support, we can begin to lose our sense of identity, no one is there to point out our mistakes, to give us a different point of view, to praise us when we do a good job. We can become encircled in our own delusions and thinking without the benefit of others to break us out of the vicious cycle. It is no wonder then that lonely individuals report this feeling of being lost and confused, it's because there is no one out there to maintain our sense of identity, our sense of self.

When we break up with someone we didn't want to break up with, or we are missing someone we love dearly, we often describe that we feel a hole in our heart, an emptiness somewhere in the space of our chest. What is this emptiness that we feel? This emptiness is a hunger for others, for others to be close to us, for others to love us. When we are hungry for food, our stomach growls, we get an empty feeling in the pits of our stomachs, we can't stop thinking about food, and sometimes it even hurts. In much the same way, loneliness is a hunger for others, a psychological need that must be satisfied. Aristotle called us social animals, in that we need other people. When people are isolated, abandoned on a deserted island for example, they make pseudo friends, in the case of Robinson Crusoe he made friends of the animals there, and in the case of Castaway, he made a friend out of a football. The need for people is a very real need, and therefore when it is not satisfied, the feelings of hunger, of nothingness, of a void is bound to occur as well.

he first reason is that the person is in an inescapable situation that is by its very natural isolating. For example, a person whose job requires constant moving from place to place, will probably not find the time to make secure friendships and may experience loneliness. A second reason is that a person grew up in a rejecting and/or abuse environment. In such cases, I believe, that individuals develop certain mechanisms to help cope with loneliness. These mechanisms usually involve put up personal blocks that protect one from getting hurt by others by maintain a safe distance between all people. These individuals learn not to trust anyone lest they get hurt. Because they have developed these mechanisms, when they are older, they treat new individuals and new circumstances in much the same manner. They construct their social worlds to be one that is very isolating and lonely, but also very protected from feelings of hurt. 

In some cases, loneliness can be overwhelming, so overwhelming in fact that lonely individuals feel like they are about to burst! There is a feeling of despair, not knowing how much more of this painful loneliness one can take, feeling as if one is going to break apart at any minute. How agonizing this must be! It's like blowing up a balloon past its normal capacity. Lonely individuals may feel this way because very often one is experiencing a wide variety of emotions and experiences, and yet there is no one to talk to, no one to share it with. Imagine having a problem with no one to discuss it with. Imagine making the greatest discovery of a lifetime, and yet there is no one there to share it with. These feelings may just be pushed down inside our minds, pushed into a bottle as it were. But there is only so much the bottle can hold, there is only so much our minds can handle. If we don't tell others, if we don't share, if we don't let it out somehow, we may indeed burst. This is why I feel that loneliness can be one of the most creative times in our lives. It's because without the avenue of talking or sharing, we are left mechanisms that are solitary. Such avenues include things like writing poetry, artwork or even writing in a diary. These things may help to subside some of our overwhelming feelings. No wonder therefore that I was able to find 180 loneliness poems on the Internet. At these times we can take the wonderful gift of art and communicate our feelings in ways more vivid than ordinary conversations.

Feeling no emotions, feeling numb

Cold, frozen, void of true emotions. These are some of the descriptions that have been associated with feelings of loneliness as well. It is almost as if we have shut down our emotion center and perhaps may be we have. I have already discussed the fact that loneliness can be very painful, overwhelming, resulting from rejection and/or abuse. At some point in time, we may decide not to feel anymore, we may become so overburdened with all the pain, the hurt, the sorrow, the loss of control that we shut our emotion center down. We don't want to feel anymore. In these instances, lonely individuals put themselves in cold, frozen places where they don't have to feel anything.

A social animal that feels itself to be isolated from its kind begins to behave nervously and experiences unhealthy physiological responses.

the lonelier you are, the more your attention is drawn toward negative social information

Lonely people seemed inadvertently hypervigilant to social threats. Rather poignantly, such thinking itself most likely makes the loneliness worse, he says, by nudging the lonely to ‘‘unknowingly act in a more defensive, hostile way toward the others with whom they would like to connect.’’

People who feel lonely tend to experience more nighttime sleep disruptions than those who don't

How do we contribute to our own sense of loneliness?

Loneliness is a passive state. That is, it is maintained by our passively letting it continue and doing nothing to change it. We hope it will go away, eventually, and we do nothing but let it envelop us. Strangely, there are times when we might even embrace the feeling. Yet, embracing loneliness and sinking down into the feelings associated with it usually leads to a sense of depression and helplessness, which, in turn, leads to an even more passive state and more depression.

Be friends with life. Remember that the world is not out to get you and it does not punish you. You do that to yourself. Learning to focus on other opportunities or in another direction can give you some perspective.

Deal with your fears. Overcoming fear makes you stronger, and being a little scared can make you better. You want to have butterflies; you just want them flying in formation. It helps to understand and admit your fears. Then you can kick them to the curb.

Feel good about yourself, no matter what life brings. Know that each time you wake up, you have another chance to make things better. Don't waste it.

Make it a point that you allocate a certain amount of time each day for yourself to do things you love. Paying attention to yourself has been proven to improve self-esteem and feelings of self worth.

each tries to fill the void that comes with being deprived of meaningful connection.

how do people form and maintain meaningful connections? An effective remedy is to communicate affection. When we kiss, hug, hold hands, and tell people that we love them we strengthen the bonds that are essential for our social needs.

It is no surprise that loneliness feels bad and affection feels good. Close, positive relationships ward off feeling lonely. By sharing affection, we help ourselves and to whom we are close to live healthier, more satisfying lives."

Unless you've experienced it — unless you know what true, deep, painful loneliness is like — you don't get it.




It's not something you know until you've experienced it, and it's hard to describe. But it actually hurts to be lonely. It's an ache in your chest, a heaviness that you can't shake, a longing that only the touch of another person can soothe.

5. Focus on the needs and feelings of others, the less attention on your lonely thoughts and feelings. I can walk down the street thinking about myself, my loneliness and the hopelessness of it all, staring at the sidewalk and sighing to myself. Or I can walk down the street grateful for the diversity of people I get to share the 
sidewalk with, silently wishing them good health and good fortune, and smiling at each person I meet. The latter is more fun, even though I sometimes have to remind myself to do it on purpose.

It's not important who has a big car or who is slimmer than you, what matters is how you as an individual are growing everyday - break your own record each day. That is all that matters, trying to be someone else can never be the aim of your life because it'll do you no good even if you manage to achieve it

Try adventures that you can later flaunt about even 'trying'. You've got to learn something each day of your life, life is not easy but taking the easy way out does not teach you anything.  Living the hard way is the way to live.


If life were that easy, would it be worth living? No. It's a curveball that life throws at you in phases; sometimes it's good, sometime's it's bad but the good part is, they are always alternate, that is, good comes after bad or bad comes after good. Whenever you feel sorry for yourself, a minute is added to the time before the good side of the curveball comes to you. So, take something out of your bad phase - take some strength, realise the importance of feeling content and SMILE.

You can't be happy always in life, nobody is. It's okay to have a bad day or a bad phase but it's not okay to hide your feelings inside. Shed some tears - howl if you want to - it's healthy. Take out all the sadness from your system and wait for good things to happen soon. Remember the curveball?


Nobody else has the power to take over your life, only you do. If you go on blaming others for all your troubles, that just means you're running away from your own responsibilities and that will always keep you one step away from taking charge of your own life because IT'S YOURS.

Your loved ones don't need an explanation, they need you to be YOU and do whatever comes to your mind because they know your every move.


It's okay to fall in love, in fact it's the best thing in the world, but losing yourself in the process is not cool and you won't ever be able to forgive yourself for that. You have needs and you may have a passion too - never give those up just because you have other priorities now. It's good to care for other people but do not forget that you're special too and nobody can take care of that more than you yourself.


You're at a place at a point for a reason. Be thankful to God that you have the kind of life you do because look around and you'll know many people don't even have that. If you have 2 legs, 2 arms, 2 ears, a nose and a mouth - just know you're blessed. Cherish whatever you have today, at this point, instead of missing what you don't have because you never had it, then how can you miss it?



It's not the easiest path you choose and you are definitely not the only person who's facing issues in life. But only those people who do not turn their backs to their problems and take up the risk of walking on that path, are the ones who are successful because this is exactly that defines their personality in the future. And therefore, it's worth the time, effort AND the risk.


Stepping out of your comfort zone is difficult but all great opportunities need you to do just that. So, be prepared even if you have to really push yourself - push yourself hard and get ready to face great, grand challenges in life.


Neuroscience provides a deeper understanding of how brain processes generate needs for relatedness, autonomy, and competence that can be satisfied by the successful pursuit of love, work, and play. Such satisfaction yields happiness, but even the pursuit is enough to give life meaning.

Men tend to focus on attaining a group of acquaintances to combat loneliness, while women tend to focus on one-on-one relationships.

• Creating: Writing, drawing, painting (though I’m not good at it), playing music (though I’m not especially good at that, either). For others, it might be inventing something, building a business, coming up with a clever marketing campaign, forming a non-profit.
• Relating: It’s not “family” that makes life worth living, I think, but the relationships we create with members of our family, and the way we maintain and build those relationships. Same goes for friends, lovers, business partners, students, and everyone else.
• Helping: Being able to lend a hand to people in need – however drastic or trivial that need may be – strikes me as an important part of life.
• Realizing: Making, working towards, and  achieving goals, no matter what those goals are.
• Playing: Maybe this is a kind of “relating”, but then, play can be a solo affair as well. Letting go of restraints, imagining new possibilities, testing yourself against others or against yourself, finding humor and joy.
• Growing: Learning new things, improving my knowledge and ability in the things I’ve already learned.

This habit opens up your brains to understanding and processing information easier and quicker. Not only that but it also forces your brain to challenge the status quo as you read from one publication to another that carry opposing views. Bill Gates is an avid reader and great promoter of reading

6. They watch documentaries on things that have shaped the world

The best thing about this one is, there is no need to read or have a pen and paper out in front of you. You just need to sit back and give your 100% concentration. These documentaries are very informative and provide in depth logic of things. They have scholars and experts in the fields who discuss certain topics.

They work on their self-development

None of this would matter if you had no interest to develop yourself. Smart people care to get to the next level in their own personal lives; they eat better, work out, work smart and educate themselves.

Clear your desk. It clears your brain. It helps you think and opens the creative channels. Now you’re buzzing. And you have a nice clean desk.

people with more extreme personality traits – who are more prone to being super anxious, extreme and intense – were shown to be more attractive than a typical, less extreme person.

The reason people are instinctually more attracted to people who take extreme risks and are impulsive is because they are thought to be intriguing and fascinating.

“While they are selfish, rule-breaking, imprudent and rebellious, they are also brave, temerarious, independent and self-reliant – and they live frantic, galvanizing lives,” he says. This could send off “a signal that the subject has such good genetic quality and condition as to live dangerously without suffering harm,” he continues.

6. They Live in the Moment. Being truly in the moment allows us to escape from adversity and conserve our inner energy. Living in the moment doesn’t mean we don’t care about the past or future. It means that when we make a choice to do something, we focus on solely doing it, rather than letting our mind wander into the future (or the past).

Resilient people are at peace with their humanity. Perhaps it is because their mistakes along the way have humbled them, or life experiences have helped them accept their own vulnerability, 


Có, tôi luôn tin vào định mệnh. Nó cho tôi sức mạnh mỗi khi gặp khó khăn, tôi vẫn thường tự nhủ: Định mệnh của tôi là phải vậy, tôi phải trải qua thử thách này, nếu tôi vượt qua nó tôi sẽ nhận được phần thưởng xứng đáng. 

Cuộc sống ở phương Tây vất vả hơn ở Việt Nam nhiều, nhất là khi có con nhỏ. Tuy nhiên người phương Tây có thói quen tự lập nên họ không thấy đó là khó khăn. Bởi sinh ra và lớn lên ở Việt Nam nên tôi có điều kiện so sánh khi sống ở phương Tây. Mọi dịch vụ, nhân công ở đây đều đắt đỏ nên người ta phải tự làm hết, ngoài giờ làm việc họ tự rửa xe, tự cắt cỏ, tự sơn phết nhà cửa. Tôi sinh con ở Thụy Sỹ nên không có ai bên cạnh, mọi việc cũng phải tự làm hết, mổ đẻ xong về nhà là tự nấu ăn, dọn dẹp vệ sinh, giặt giũ, chăm con. Nói chung không có nhiều sự giúp đỡ và dịch vụ sẵn có như ở Việt Nam. 

You’d much rather fail at doing things your way than succeed while being a people-pleaser.

1. You don’t yell or become easily angry.

Even in the harshest stress factors, you choose to stay calm and you try to handle situations smoothly. You feel that by raising your voice, you’re lowering yourself.

You apologize when necessary.

You know well when you’ve made a mistake and you apologize, not worrying about losing face. You are aware that by apologizing, you’ll be the bigger person.

It’s not as if you get bored easily but staying put gives you no exposure nor do you learn. You move outside that comfort zone to experience change and fun along with it.

22. You do not blame circumstances on extrinsic things.

You take everything into consideration and you know that blaming something that’s beyond your control is useless and silly.

23. You use your time wisely.

Going around wasting your time is a big “NO” for you. So you choose to spend that time productively so that others along with you can benefit.

17. You know that persistence pays off.

You have a strong will power which doesn’t let you give up on things you really want. You keep persisting until you know success is at your doorstep.

18. You find ways around any obstacle.

You keep trying and you don’t stop until you’ve achieved that target. Giving up just isn’t your thing, but looking for alternatives is.

You refrain from expectations on others.

You don’t expect anything in return when you go the extra mile for someone. You have always been selfless.

You don’t limit your thoughts to just superficial matters

You don’t just see things as they are. You look deep into matters and you read into things before drawing a conclusion.

You are open to feedback.

You are not afraid to voice your opinion; neither are you afraid to take other’s opinions or feedback, whether they’re negative or positive. You rather welcome it so you can learn.

“An evolved man wants a woman who won’t change to be with him, who mostly doesn’t give two sheets what other people think about her, including even him.”

She isn’t arrogant; she just knows who she is and doesn’t need to prove that she has the right to live however she desires.

An evolved man longs to see his woman radiant and genuinely happy. If she isn’t thrilled about her everyday life, he won’t be, either. Not because she’s responsible for his feelings (she’s not), but because the second best gift she could ever give him is her own authentic happiness

Tough individuals are very keen on self-growth and self-improvement.

They like to challenge themselves and set goals that are realistically possible to reach.

They have their own inner drive that pushes them to improve on certain#things and therefore they always work on themselves.

It is a really refreshing quality that has a very grounding effect.

Mental strength is definitely not something that everyone acquires.

It takes years of realization and growth to actually get to the point where you feel like you can deal with every situation in the best way possible.

You can stand your ground like a boss

One of the best qualities of a badass woman is that she rarely crumbles under pressure, no matter what the world throws at her. She stands by her set of beliefs and values and no amount of pressure can alter that.

. She Will Have A Stronger Person With her Too

Her significant other will also be a strong person. An independent woman has a partner who is strong and believes in her. Together they come out as a strong couple too and together they can accomplish anything.

She is Always Upgrading Herself

A sure shot sign of an independent woman is the fact that she refuses to halt her learning process. She is continuously learning and reading and upgrading herself to suit the needs of her daily life. They care about what is happening around them and always keep themselves up-to-date.

Girls watch junk TV – women read.

Some TV is great TV – the rest is pretty much garbage. Women do have their TV shows – some being guilty pleasures – but they also like to spend their time with their nose in books and magazines with substance.

They don't enjoy filling their lives with meaningless pop-culture garbage that gets regurgitated over the decade. Women like to keep sharp. Girls like to keep occupied.

Girls stick to what they know – women are always searching to widen their horizons.

Women are experienced in life and therefore understand the importance of experiencing life. They do their best to see the world, meet people, explore possibilities. They are passionate and driven. Women take life by the horns. Girls aren't really sure what their purpose is – they're hoping to find a man to pick them up and show them the way.

There is nothing, and I mean nothing, sexier than a female who can take care of herself. All females are capable of it, but few actually take care of business. Girls like to coast along in life – always looking for handouts.

Một khi phụ nữ được giáo dục và có những cơ hội nghề nghiệp bình đẳng, họ không còn nghĩ nhiệm vụ chính của mình là sinh nở hay chăm lo việc nhà. Họ muốn có thể theo đuổi nghề nghiệp hết mình như đàn ông vẫn vậy. Họ muốn nhiều thời gian rảnh hơn. Họ muốn du lịch và ngắm nhìn thế giới, mà không phải nặng gánh con cái. Họ có những kỳ vọng rất khác về việc có nên kết hôn và kết hôn với ai vì họ độc lập về tài chính. Không thể đảo ngược xu thế này, trừ khi chúng ta dừng việc giáo dục phụ nữ, mà điều này thật vô lý.

Tôi có 7 đứa cháu trong độ tuổi 20 và không một đứa nào kết hôn. Tôi nghĩ chẳng có đứa nào trong số chúng dự định kết hôn cho tới khi 30 tuổi, lúc đó có thể đã quá muộn để chúng có thể có được nhiều con. Lựa chọn của chúng không khác nhiều so với bạn đồng lứa. Đó là một thế hệ khác với những kỳ vọng khác về cuộc sống. Không may thay, bởi vì mỗi người ra quyết định dựa trên tập hợp các tính toán lý tính và cái nhìn của chính anh ta về thế giới 

Bạn phải gặp gỡ người khác vì bạn bắt buộc phải có quan hệ xã hội nếu như bạn muốn mở rộng quan điểm của mình. 

Cuộc sống tốt hơn là cái chết. Nhưng cái chết cuối cùng cũng đến với tất cả mọi người. Đó là thứ mà ở tuổi thanh xuân con người không nghĩ đến. 

Tôi không thích tự gắn ý nghĩa cho cuộc sống – hoặc nghĩ ra những câu chuyện lớn lao về cuộc đời – mà chỉ tìm cách đo lường nó bằng những gì bạn nghĩ bạn muốn làm trong cuộc sống. Đối với tôi, tôi đã hoàn thành những việc tôi muốn làm, trong khả năng lớn nhất của tôi và tôi hài lòng với việc đó.

Cứ mỗi ngày trôi qua tôi cảm thấy thể xác mình mất thêm năng lượng và ngày càng ít năng động hơn.  Bạn không thể dự đoán được cơ thể bạn sẽ trở nên như thế nào. Dù tôi có mạnh mẽ và kỉ luật tới đâu, tình trạng của tôi vẫn sẽ tiếp tục xuống dốc.

Càng thất bại nhiều, càng có khả năng thành công. Cứ lấy bất kì câu danh ngôn thành công của người nổi tiếng nào làm ví dụ. Bạn nghe nhiều rồi. Edison đã thử 10 nghìn lần trước khi tạo được bóng đèn. Michael Jordan bị đuổi khỏi đội bóng rổ trường trung học. Thành công đến từ sự tiến bộ; sự tiến bộ đến từ thất bại. Không có đường tắt đâu.

Càng học nhiều, càng thấy mình biết ít. Đây là ý của Socrates. Mỗi lần hiểu biết thêm điều gì, thì tư duy ta lại tạo ra nhiều câu hỏi hơn là câu trả lời.

Cách tốt nhất để ở bên ai đó là không cần phải ở bên người ấy mãi. Nguyên tắc của tôi là không tham lam. Cách tốt nhất để duy trì một mối quan hệ tình cảm tốt là đầu tư vào chính mình, để vẫn có thể vui vẻ trong những lúc không có người yêu ở bên.

These days the world has become more interdependent and interconnected, and as such, in order to stay on top of things, one has to stay aware of what is happening around the world. One have to know what is happening, need to have an international perspective on every aspect.
innovation is key to staying competitive. 
Learning is the continuous effort one should adapt to survive in this competitive world. Happy Learning !!

 Indeed, mind-wandering appears to be the human brain’s default mode of operation.

social media users forego pursuit of their own self-esteem, health and validation in favor of what they perceive to be social recognition and acceptance. Yet, they do not ever receive it from a screen, so it spirals into an addictive-like tendency.

While there’s no doubt that social media is not maliciously intended in nature, there is significant doubt that we as humans are able to resist not playing out our deepest issues through them – and as it turns out, it seems to be hurting far more than we realize.

“This study shows that our mental lives are pervaded, to a remarkable degree, by the nonpresent.”

Did you actually accomplish anything by spending half of your day scrolling through Instagram and Facebook and Twitter? Do you feel like you are really living by constantly snapchatting pointless videos? These social media activities have no substance. It benefits your online profile, but not the air you breathe and the world you live in. As stressed earlier, now is now.

When we reach the point of figuring out what about us gets the compliment and attention, we take that and run with it. Whether it’s your Paleo Diet or your cleavage, the result is a page full of you and a big ego.

Will we tell our great grandchildren all of the adventures we had, the wonderful conversations we shared, the beautiful and messy lives we lived; or that 90% of our time was spent with an electronic device interrupting the purity and simplicity of moments?

What’s the best thing about being off social media? The automatic shift in focus from what everyone else is doing to what you want to do. The fading Impostor syndrome, too!

What if you did have the courage to live without being “connected” and still feel that you are a part of something greater? You can.

Yes, you will feel withdrawals; you will experience separation anxiety; you will feel out of place; and you will get over it.

You feel proud and excited of the newly found free time

What will you do with all this extra time on your hands? Oh, the possibilities are endless. 

The lack of drive for actually accomplishing what you want to do is the reason for your lack of time, not the amount of time spent on social media. The truth is that if you are busy living life to the fullest, you will know when it is time to shutdown the computer or the phone and focus on what matters without “disconnecting” yourself for good.

You will be smarter and wiser.

When you log out of social media and log in to real life, you will spend your time wisely on useful things, like books and great websites that actually improve your life and enrich you with knowledge to make you a better person. You can find time and exercise instead of perusing social media and complaining about how you never find the time to hit the gym. That time spent on Facebook could have been used on a great workout. Whilst others are wasting their lives on social media, you will be reading a life-changing book, hitting the gym, being innovative, and making your dreams come true.

Is that what we want – spending considerable time building large networks of shallow connections, potentially at the expense of deepening a few cherished friendships upon which we can truly rely?

Facebook addiction is real and it is dangerous. Not only does it prevent you from living in the present, it can also leave you with crippling anxiety and insecurities. But few people talk about the real danger of social media addictions.

A healthy body helps to ensure that you have a healthy brain. After all, your brain is like another muscle in your body. Exercising regularly keeps your brain and body functioning as they are supposed to. It reduces tension and helps you to sleep better.

Doctors agree that better blood circulation to the brain means increased brain function. Various studies on mice and humans have shown that cardiovascular exercise can create new brain cells, and thus improve overall brain performance.