“Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?”
― Marilyn Monroe
“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.”
― Rita Mae Brown
“Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources”
― Albert Einstein
“All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
“I don't want to be a man," said Jace. "I want to be an angst-ridden teenager who can't confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead."
"Well," said Luke, "you're doing a fantastic job.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
“Jesus!" Luke exclaimed.
"Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling.”
― Cassandra Clare
“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”
― E.B. White
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
― Steve Martin
“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
― Paul Terry
“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
― W.C. Fields
“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
― Charles Bukowski
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
― Mark Twain
“There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.”
― Bertrand Russell
“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
― W.C. Fields
“When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.”
― Stephen King, Storm of the Century: An Original Screenplay
“It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
― George Carlin
“Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.”
― Dr. Seuss
“I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it.”
― Edgar Allan Poe, Marginalia
“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”
― Mark Twain
“That does it," said Jace. "I'm going to get you a dictionary for Christmas this year."
"Why?" Isabelle said.
"So you can look up 'fun.' I'm not sure you know what it means.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
“My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”
― Winston Churchill
“I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”
― Oscar Wilde
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
― George Burns
“Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.”
― Stephanie Klein, Straight Up and Dirty: A Memoir
“I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Penultimate Peril
“Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.”
― Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief
“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”
― Will Rogers
“Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.”
― Bill Watterson
“From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!”
― Dr. Seuss, One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”
― Dr. Seuss
What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?”
― Charles M. Schulz
“I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.”
― Mae West
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
― Charles Lamb
“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
― George Carlin
“The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families.”
― Jay McInerney, The Last of the Savages
“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”
― Dave Barry
“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”
― Groucho Marx
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”
― Bette Midler
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
― Dorothy Parker
“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”
― Groucho Marx
“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.”
― Ellen DeGeneres
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”
― Groucho Marx
“Humor is reason gone mad.”
― Groucho Marx
“It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.”
― Rick Riordan, The Last Olympian
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
― Robin Williams
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
― George Carlin
“I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning do to do afterward.”
― Kurt Vonnegut
I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“I like men who have a future and women who have a past.”
― Oscar Wilde
“People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn't.”
― Christopher Paolini, Eragon
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. ”
― Mark Twain
“DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.”
― Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
“There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.”
― Oscar Wilde
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
― George Carlin
“God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.”
― Woody Allen
“In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.”
― Napoleon
“When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.”
― Erma Bombeck
“The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Very Good, Jeeves!
“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.”
― Groucho Marx
“Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.”
― Jane Austen, Mansfield Park
“We’ll never survive!”
“Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride
“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason”
― Jerry Seinfeld
“I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I am dumb enough to try anything.”
― Geoff Johns, Teen Titans, Vol. 3: Beast Boys and Girls
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
research.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure..
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit
the target.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'
'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
― Marilyn Monroe
“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.”
― Rita Mae Brown
“Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources”
― Albert Einstein
“All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
“I don't want to be a man," said Jace. "I want to be an angst-ridden teenager who can't confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead."
"Well," said Luke, "you're doing a fantastic job.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
“Jesus!" Luke exclaimed.
"Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling.”
― Cassandra Clare
“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”
― E.B. White
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
― Steve Martin
“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
― Paul Terry
“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
― W.C. Fields
“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
― Charles Bukowski
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
― Mark Twain
“There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.”
― Bertrand Russell
“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
― W.C. Fields
“When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.”
― Stephen King, Storm of the Century: An Original Screenplay
“It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
― George Carlin
“Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.”
― Dr. Seuss
“I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it.”
― Edgar Allan Poe, Marginalia
“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”
― Mark Twain
“That does it," said Jace. "I'm going to get you a dictionary for Christmas this year."
"Why?" Isabelle said.
"So you can look up 'fun.' I'm not sure you know what it means.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
“My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”
― Winston Churchill
“I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”
― Oscar Wilde
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
― George Burns
“Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.”
― Stephanie Klein, Straight Up and Dirty: A Memoir
“I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Penultimate Peril
“Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.”
― Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief
“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”
― Will Rogers
“Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.”
― Bill Watterson
“From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!”
― Dr. Seuss, One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”
― Dr. Seuss
What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?”
― Charles M. Schulz
“I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.”
― Mae West
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
― Charles Lamb
“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
― George Carlin
“The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families.”
― Jay McInerney, The Last of the Savages
“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”
― Dave Barry
“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”
― Groucho Marx
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”
― Bette Midler
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
― Dorothy Parker
“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”
― Groucho Marx
“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.”
― Ellen DeGeneres
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”
― Groucho Marx
“Humor is reason gone mad.”
― Groucho Marx
“It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.”
― Rick Riordan, The Last Olympian
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
― Robin Williams
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
― George Carlin
“I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning do to do afterward.”
― Kurt Vonnegut
I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“I like men who have a future and women who have a past.”
― Oscar Wilde
“People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn't.”
― Christopher Paolini, Eragon
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. ”
― Mark Twain
“DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.”
― Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
“There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.”
― Oscar Wilde
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
― George Carlin
“God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.”
― Woody Allen
“In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.”
― Napoleon
“When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.”
― Erma Bombeck
“The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Very Good, Jeeves!
“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.”
― Groucho Marx
“Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.”
― Jane Austen, Mansfield Park
“We’ll never survive!”
“Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride
“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason”
― Jerry Seinfeld
“I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I am dumb enough to try anything.”
― Geoff Johns, Teen Titans, Vol. 3: Beast Boys and Girls
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
research.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure..
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit
the target.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'
'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it..
She moved in with me.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it..
She moved in with me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Looking back over the years
That we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
'What was I thinking?'
That we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
'What was I thinking?'
I've always wanted to have
Someone to hold,
Someone to love.
After having met you ...
I've changed my mind.
Someone to hold,
Someone to love.
After having met you ...
I've changed my mind.
-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!
Almost Lifelike!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When we were together,
You always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
You always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here..
it's almost like you're here..
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
A diplomat is one who thinks twice before saying nothing.
A friend in need is a pest. - Arthur Daley in the popular 1980's British sitcom, "Minder" - thanks to Rob
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. - Rhonda Hansome
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Cheer up! Remember the less you have, the more there is to get.
Everyone has the right to be stupid but you're abusing the priviledge. - Shiv Daddar
| Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else. - Will Rogers (1879-1935) | ||||
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make
Growing up is amazing, until you get old! Anonymous- The secret of success is to go from mistake to mistake without losing your enthusiasm Anonymous- A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours. Anonymous- Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. Louis Hector Berlioz- When life gives you lemons, follow the five-step plan: 1.Sit on the couch. 2.Turn on the TV. 3.Throw lemons at life. 4.Force life to make lemonade for you. 5.Drink the lemonade. Anonymous- The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. Albert Einstein There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? Woody Allen- Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives. William Charles Dement- If you're always busy busy busy, you can't enjoy enjoy enjoy your life.- Everyone is born equal in life, until they get married. Anonymous- That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another.... Charles M. Schulz- Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Albert King- I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Anonymous- It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose. Anonymous- |
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite. Anonymous-
The road to success is always under construction. Lily Tomlin-
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.-
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Joey Adams-
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see. Anonymous-
I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed. Anonymous-
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Alison Boulter-
Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. Anonymous-
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.
I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. Anonymous-
Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Anonymous-
Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying. Anonymous-
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met. Anonymous-
You're born free, then you're taxed to death. Anonymous
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. Anonymous
You never run out of things that can go wrong. Edward A. Murphy (Murphy's Law)
To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Anonymous-
I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year. Anonymous
I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y". Anonymous-
God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages. Jacques Deval-
I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!-
When is yelling during a robbery a bad idea? When you have gold teeth.-
Always run away from temptations... but slowly, so they can catch up to you. Anonymous-
After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up. Anonymous-
Luckiness top moment: To get run over by an ambulance. Anonymous-
The world today doesn't make sense, so why should I paint pictures that do? Pablo Picasso
I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.-
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen-
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way. Sam Levenson-
I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days. Anonymous-
A joke is a very serious thing. Winston Churchill
'Press any key to continue, where's the any key?' - Homer Simpson-
Studying top moment: to exercise your memory and start sweating.-
If I keep paying attention, I'm going to be in debt! Noah Monteiro-
Stop the earth from spinning, I want to get off! Anonymous-
The luck of having talent is not enough; one must also have a talent for luck. Louis Hector Berlioz-
There are three sides to an argument - your side, my side and the right side. Morgan Wallace-
If you live in a school, then you're probably a fish-
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you. A. Whitney Brown-
I'm fast, great and unstoppable! You're a train??-
You can't make a circle of friends with a compass. Stanislaw Jerzy Lec-
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