I’m new here and have been reading through the forums for a while now trying to figure out WTF just hit me. I have been struggling with my “issues” for pretty much all my life, have been
(wrongly, I guess) diagnosed with major depression some years ago, been
through therapy, meds, the works...well, the best thing I’ve been able
to achieve so far (early thirties) has been a state of calm
indifference, which I reckoned was better than the dark hole I used to be in.
Now a few months ago, just coming off a 15 year drug habit, I met a guy who struck a very strange chord in me. I was trying to avoid him at first, as I’ve sworn off relationships since I only end up f***ing up anyway – but as he went out of his way to seduce me I thought, oh why the hell not.
I thought it would be a one night stand but to my surprise we continued seeing each other and things got really weird – nothing about this guy made any sense and yet I felt I “got” him completely. E.g. he would try to mirror the crap out of me and I could see him do it and while it was somewhat annoying when he lied about himself to please me it is precisely what I used to do when I was still dating – only I didn’t know I was doing it until I saw him do it. I also felt I knew things about him – like self-harm – that I could not possibly know but that later turned out to be true. So, in short, I started doing my research, sifting through all the hateful crap out there, and all of a sudden my world just shifted because not only did I understand what is going on with him but, in a life-changing way, what is going on with me. I haven’t seen a psychiatrist yet but I’m 100% positive we both have BDP.
Sooo – I’m a bit shaken now, to say the least. Everything I never understood about myself suddenly makes sense and not necessarily in a good way. Meanwhile, I’m also up to my neck in this relationship. Its kind of funny because on the surface we have absolutely nothing in common – if anything we’re fierce political and philosophical opponents – but somehow we’ve managed to smash through each other’s defences and ended up having our “inner children” playing with each other – nicely so far but then we both know what comes down the line...
So, I know that I have a very long road ahead of me now just unraveling my past in the light of this, but as at present I have a few pressing life decisions to make (emigrating and such) I need to figure out what to do about this relationship. It fascinates me because it is like for the first time in my life I'm looking into a mirror that shows me the truth. At the same time, it scares the crap out of me knowing we could very well destroy each other. It doesn't help that although he seems to know what his problem is, the very mention of it seems to trigger him, so conversation is very difficult.
So I would appreciate your thoughts - do you think two BDP can be in a relationship for any amount of time before s*** majorly hits the fan? How on earth does a person with huge trust and abandonment issues cope with a partner who might actually up and leave at the drop of a hat? Has anyone ever experienced this?
Yes, it IS possible to have a BPD/BPD relationship, but I'm going to warn you that it can be very difficult.
I dated a guy last year, who was also BPD (although self-admitted, but undiagnosed and NOT treatment seeking in any way), and it was a wonderful collaboration of drama (loved it), intense sex (loved it), and both of us being the "why didn't you text sooner" (loved it)... but then, our differences got the best of us, our drinking styles clashed, and he became very bossy and possessive (which at one point I kind of liked, then the wild/HPD streak in me couldn't deal with).
I might add that I may not be the BEST advice giver on relationships, because I sabotage them usually, and also because I am not that great of a person while in them. It's like I can handle my friendships in life beautifully, but give me a man who thinks he loves me, and I'll be hellbent on proving him wrong.
I dunno.
I hope this helps, and I hope you enjoy your ride!!! And also - I have high hopes for you that it lasts longer than mine did
My last r'ship was BPD-BPD and my therapist was scared for me and rightfully so. A recipe for disaster, she warned me, and indeed, we took that recipe, whipped it up into the most messed up concoction ever, threw it in the oven and we both got burned reallllllllllllllllly badly.
The sex, of course, was amazing. The passion and drama, intense.
But the push-pull back and forth was insane. So many times at the beginning I tried to end things... because it started as an affair (not married affair but me cheating on someone I was dating affair). But every time I tried to end things, he'd fall in love more, court the heck outta me and get me to come back. So many teary passionate goodbyes and reunions I lost track. Then when the third person in the love triangle finally had enough and it was just he and I alone, he started feeling suffocated (because we only want what we can't have, right?), so he'd pull away and then I'd be the one coming running after HIM.
We both obsessed and obsessed and obsessed over it until he pushed me away for good, I chased after him one last time, had a meltdown, and it was horrific.
Really. Insanity. And I'm still not totally over it. Maybe never will be.
looking back now, I'm pretty sure that the two relationships in my life that resulted in me having major meltdowns were with BPDs, or people with those traits - just the dynamic you describe, and yeah, "over it" is not the right expression.
I suppose in order for it to have a chance, both parties would have to be extremely aware of their own BS and able to control it - not so sure about that. Trouble is also that in our respective avoidance strategies we have the finger right on each other's triggers - he does triangulation, which sets me off, I do disappearing acts, which sets him off (I have my passport in my bag at all times just in case i need to switch country...).
But if I heed the voice of sanity and end this now - bang, I will be the one who lit the fuse. Not an appealing idea at all.
Damn. Time machine, anyone?
In theory, it could work very well... Both having the same condition should lead to a better understanding of each other... But in reality, I'd guess it would be an absolute train wreck!
I could only speak from my own experience having dating another borderline. I guess the best way to explain it was nothing short of a cataclysmic disaster zone.
I am a functional borderline. A term I tread lightly around because everyone has different definitions as to what this is. She was severely dysfunctional, and extremely toxic despite her condition. This resulted in my own symptoms exploding like a dormant volcano. Eventually my ability to function was also compromised and worsening every moment I was with her.
Of course there is the opposite side to this. The highs of this relationship was equally as euphoric and addicting as the lows were tumultuous. I couldn't bear to leave her, and greatly feared her abandonment.
The result was total devastation. She was hiding something from me (probably married), and when she was forced to face the truth when I put her on the spot despite knowing what she would do, she fled. Part of me wonders if I purposely did so because I did not have the strength to leave her, another part just really needs to know the truth and I do not have any closure.
In short, it really effin sucked
I know how that feels
You probably did it on purpose to protect yourself. I know I did.
It's ok! The feeling of not having closure/truth is crushing.
But the truth is hiding there: she fled...
In one way or another, I believe this is true. I was being torn down at such remarkable efficiency that I started deploying my own methods to sabotage the relationship. I feared her abandonment more than anything, but also needed it before I was completely destroyed. I couldn't leave her. Even if she came clean, I wouldn't have left her. So I believe I eventually acted out subconsciously in order to make her flee.
I know that I could find the truth if I really wanted to. Closure will come at the cost of immeasurable pain, and as difficult as that is, perhaps ignorance truly is bliss, but there truly is very little what she could do worse that my own mind hasn't imagined on its own. Devaluation hurts like crazy.
But remember, you have 50% responsibility. No more!
Yea, I have no idea what I was thinking when I posted this thread. How could anything fantastic come from 2 people who are struggling to cope with major issues regardless of what they are. It would be very rare.
Honestly? I don't know if I am just too naïve or idealistic, but I do think two sick people can have a decent relationship, if they are both committed to the relationship.
Would it be a fireworks relationship? Definitely not. But still, could be something beautiful & sincere, just with more bumps than normal couples.
I believe it's possible, but they will face great challenges, especially with the avoidance of tandem triggers. However, a borderline is better suited to partner with someone grounded, and emotionally regulated. Someone very caring, and with a good set of emotional armor. They will need it.
My therapist treats a borderline couple, and tells me how hard they have to work to keep things level. They love each other very much, and are married, but they've no doubt have clashed with great emotional magnitude. I agree that a functional relationship between two borderlines to be very rare.
There are advantages though. In the case of my last relationship neither of us knew we were borderline at the time, but if we did, we would've had a whole new subject to explore together, and we would have something else to talk about other than sex.
Speaking of sex, if you imagine that sex between two borderlines would likely be very passionate and intense, you have no idea how right you are.
There would be certain understandings that a non-borderline partner just will never be able to relate to.
The positive energy between the two will feed itself every bit as strongly as the negative energy does. You have to remember that this BPD thing gives us the full power of both sides of the passion spectrum.
I'm sure there are many more, but that chaos factor weighs pretty damn heavy.
I don't know...I think I could when I was young; I remember feeling very loved by my grandparents. Even as an adult, I felt loved by them, especially my grandfather, but I missed the last decade+ of his life due to avoiding family so I didn't have to embarrass them with what a failure I was, compared to the other grandchildren. Other than that, I've never accepted or returned love. Are we ever able to fix it? I'm not even capable of having a relationship - I try to fool myself into believing I am, but as soon as someone shows any interest, I'm repulsed by them. Even if I was the one initially chasing them.
I think I once dated a borderline, I heard later from someone he was borderline, and I was undiagnosed so I had no idea I was, it was a short term relationship, mostly a sexual relationship. I t was chaotic nonetheless, we both triggered our self destructive tendencies and drank a lot and I remember being very loud and making scandals and all, which I don't remember doing before. He left me and it was the first time someone dumped me so I tried to do anything to get him back cause my ego was hurt. It was a pretty toxic relationship, but I can't really tell if he was borderline cause I only heard a rumor about that. I think I've never really had a "normal" relationship, maybe only once but very short term, so I really don't know what it's like to have something normal. And now I've been single for such a long time that I wouldn't know how to deal with a relationship. I have to consider that despite that relationship I was telling first, I've always tried to be the "sane" part of the relationship, which eventually has caused people to take advantage of me. Sometimes I feel really lonely, but after such bad experiences sometimes I don't want to ever being in a relationship, I can't handle more abuse. But then I think I need one, I just don't know how to get one anymore. I got tottally f*cked up.
Speaking of sex, if you imagine that sex between two borderlines would likely be very passionate and intense, you have no idea how right you are.
That's true. It applies to many PD+PD cases
I believe it, and it makes total sense that it would apply more often than not. If you want crazy sex, get a crazy partner!
Haha! That's a good catch line for any potential partner.
I've been engaged to another borderline for three years now. I'd be lying if I said it's been perfect, but along with the lows there's a lot of highs that are really worth it. I find it easier than being with a non since he understands why I behave the way I do (and vice versa). I never get bored which I imagine I would with a non, and I've learned a lot about myself that I wouldn't have known otherwise from it too. The sex is definitely interesting.
everyone knows borderlines only like nps's and psychopaths
Ha! Right? The criterion, "Pervasive pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships." really is just a way of sugar coating the fact that we are drawn to alpha male douchebags and batsh*t crazy women where there is a snowflake's chance in hell that it will work out with them. I mean, how can we be happy if we are not unhappy?
When I really think about it, borderlines are probably drawn to each other. Many of these pairings likely exist, and they just don't know they're dating a borderline.
J-e-a-l-o-u-s
I think that's the first time anyone's ever said that to me! Ha.
I mean I wouldn't know any different really because this is my first serious relationship, but I can't imagine a non actually wanting to put up with me. I guess that's because I've only ever met people who really aren't willing to understand, but yeah.
Love IT!
"If you want crazy sex, get a crazy partner!"
The quote of the week!
Some good dialogue coming out of this thread after-all.
Thanks for chiming in everyone.
With trust and good communication, and if both people are strong enough to really address and work on their own issues? I think it is not only possible but could be quite beautiful.
I know how stupid I seem but I want to date a BPD. I feel like if I date someone like me then I'm safe and maybe we can help each other. I feel like if I date someone as fragile as I am that I won't get hurt as badly. I know that sounds selfish but I feel like no one truly understands BPD's only BPD's. I dont know what it's like to deal with someone like this but I feel like if I can see it from another human being then it'll put things into perspective.
I'm not sure of other people's experiences, and I haven't dated someone also with BPD, but I can just imagine the rage fests...That's enough to have me think twice about it.
To be honest, I'd imagine the emotional turbulence can be a problem. Though if you're both working on getting it under control and are well on your way, those emotions won't necessarily become a problem. To be honest though, you're probably not going to have it necessarily better or worse than a relationship with someone who isn't bpd. The lack of trust can be an issue though. Two people with trust issues can be a bad thing.
I would say this would depend on both the people, not their disorders.
A BPD and an empathetic, understanding non is a great combination.
Two BPDs who can be understanding towards each other and have enough control to keep from really setting off their partner.
Don't look for a partner who has a certain disorder. Let someone who loves you and is willing to be there and help you be in your life, regardless of their mental state.
Why is it so hard to feel complete as one person? Why is the need for someone else so instilled in my brain that I feel like without them, I am just stuck in a world I am just hoping would end? Sleep is the only sanctuary. Just waiting every day, getting by every minute just trying to think of when it will be time for me to crawl into bed and shut my head off for just a second so I can have some sort of inner peace. But even my sleep has been betraying me and I have been having nightmares about my paranoia and I wake up drenched in sweat. All I've ever wanted was to find someone who loves the way I love them. Does that mean I can only get the true love my body and soul thirsts for from another BPD? Another person who has the same emotional intensities and can have compassion on a level I do? I have recently just got out of a serious relationship and since the break up have been diagnosed with BPD. I have so much guilt and feel like if I had known and had been going to therapy and everything I am now that our relationship could have worked. I feel like nomatter what I will always be alone though. Because everyone who doesn't think the way I do looks at me like I'm crazy when I try to make them understand? I need to be with someone who can understand what I'm saying. Someone who I don't have to feel like I am ashamed of myself when I am with them. Someone who recognizes despite my small slip ups I am trying so hard, with all my might and who can appreciate that. Is such a thing possible or am I really destined to be alone?? I just want to be whole and happy
My partner has BPD as do I and so many people have said it can be one of two ways
1) The best and most understanding strong relationship ever.
2) The most explosive break up ever.
If you have a relationship with another BPD person, the arguments ARE really explosive but the rest of the relationship is so strong and amazing because you are more in tune with eachother.. Having a relationship with someone without BPD is only abit harder because the other person doesn't understand what your thoughts are and feelings are as much.. Don't be in a relationship just to fill up your loneliness.. Surround yourself with friends and family until you find the right person for you.. <3 I hope this helped <3
I dont know if this has a chance in working... Ive just started dating someone who has BPD. The thing is, I have several BPD traits, but not full blown BPD. Or maybe it would be better to say I am recovering from BPD and making improvements each year, but no longer have enough of the characteristics to match a full diagnosis. It was never formally diagnosed, but the symptoms/behaviors/outcomes are all key indicators.
Anyway, this new person seems to match up rather well in terms of keeping up with my energy level, emotional attachment... etc. However, this person is definitely strong, diagnosed BPD currently working towards recovery but very definitely still in the throes of the personal battle. They are absolutely making clear progress and are recognizing their behaviors for their origination so that is good, but it will still be a ways for them to go.
My question is, is it possible that this match can work? Could our energies/moods/demons match each other. Neither of us has been successful with weaker individuals and we seem to have very similar styles... but could that also be a total disaster? Im highly communicative and so is he so we seem to be talking through alot of areas right from the beginning, but we are also certainly in the early intense phase.
I have no doubt that it will be challenging, but thats the part of me that also knows it would keep me engaged. I certainly pursue challenges. Would this be a total backsliding for all the progress I have made? Admittedly, all my progress has been self-driven. Ive not had access to the help or sought it out before because I really didnt know it was a disorder, just thought it was something wrong with me I needed to fix and I have. I had some horrible high/low relationships when I was younger, I was self destructive (still struggle with that) and I did once make a cry for help as a teenager. Ive just been working to improve my issues without knowing the root. I think I will now seek out professional guidance so that I can continue my path since I now know its not just my personal defect.
Anyway, what do you think are the chances of this matching up? Of course we all know I will probably still do it anyway.
I don't want to say this is a relationship destined to be doomed. I don't want to say that this is the worst match because of BPD. No one can predict what the outcome will be......
Just have faith, anything is possible. Just think postive that it will work. The more you stress with the question of "what are the chance of this match up", the more unnecessary pressure you'll bring into the relationship. Just focus on the postive things. Realize that EVERY SINGLE relationship will have it's ups and downs, BPD or not. No one in this world shares equal amounts of thoughts and stengths....so sometimes one person in the relationship has to be alittle stronger/have more faith/more positivism.
Having dealt with your own BPD on your own, you seem to come across as a strong person. Continue to stay strong and focused...everything will fall into place.
Now a few months ago, just coming off a 15 year drug habit, I met a guy who struck a very strange chord in me. I was trying to avoid him at first, as I’ve sworn off relationships since I only end up f***ing up anyway – but as he went out of his way to seduce me I thought, oh why the hell not.
I thought it would be a one night stand but to my surprise we continued seeing each other and things got really weird – nothing about this guy made any sense and yet I felt I “got” him completely. E.g. he would try to mirror the crap out of me and I could see him do it and while it was somewhat annoying when he lied about himself to please me it is precisely what I used to do when I was still dating – only I didn’t know I was doing it until I saw him do it. I also felt I knew things about him – like self-harm – that I could not possibly know but that later turned out to be true. So, in short, I started doing my research, sifting through all the hateful crap out there, and all of a sudden my world just shifted because not only did I understand what is going on with him but, in a life-changing way, what is going on with me. I haven’t seen a psychiatrist yet but I’m 100% positive we both have BDP.
Sooo – I’m a bit shaken now, to say the least. Everything I never understood about myself suddenly makes sense and not necessarily in a good way. Meanwhile, I’m also up to my neck in this relationship. Its kind of funny because on the surface we have absolutely nothing in common – if anything we’re fierce political and philosophical opponents – but somehow we’ve managed to smash through each other’s defences and ended up having our “inner children” playing with each other – nicely so far but then we both know what comes down the line...
So, I know that I have a very long road ahead of me now just unraveling my past in the light of this, but as at present I have a few pressing life decisions to make (emigrating and such) I need to figure out what to do about this relationship. It fascinates me because it is like for the first time in my life I'm looking into a mirror that shows me the truth. At the same time, it scares the crap out of me knowing we could very well destroy each other. It doesn't help that although he seems to know what his problem is, the very mention of it seems to trigger him, so conversation is very difficult.
So I would appreciate your thoughts - do you think two BDP can be in a relationship for any amount of time before s*** majorly hits the fan? How on earth does a person with huge trust and abandonment issues cope with a partner who might actually up and leave at the drop of a hat? Has anyone ever experienced this?
Yes, it IS possible to have a BPD/BPD relationship, but I'm going to warn you that it can be very difficult.
I dated a guy last year, who was also BPD (although self-admitted, but undiagnosed and NOT treatment seeking in any way), and it was a wonderful collaboration of drama (loved it), intense sex (loved it), and both of us being the "why didn't you text sooner" (loved it)... but then, our differences got the best of us, our drinking styles clashed, and he became very bossy and possessive (which at one point I kind of liked, then the wild/HPD streak in me couldn't deal with).
I might add that I may not be the BEST advice giver on relationships, because I sabotage them usually, and also because I am not that great of a person while in them. It's like I can handle my friendships in life beautifully, but give me a man who thinks he loves me, and I'll be hellbent on proving him wrong.
I dunno.
I hope this helps, and I hope you enjoy your ride!!! And also - I have high hopes for you that it lasts longer than mine did
My last r'ship was BPD-BPD and my therapist was scared for me and rightfully so. A recipe for disaster, she warned me, and indeed, we took that recipe, whipped it up into the most messed up concoction ever, threw it in the oven and we both got burned reallllllllllllllllly badly.
The sex, of course, was amazing. The passion and drama, intense.
But the push-pull back and forth was insane. So many times at the beginning I tried to end things... because it started as an affair (not married affair but me cheating on someone I was dating affair). But every time I tried to end things, he'd fall in love more, court the heck outta me and get me to come back. So many teary passionate goodbyes and reunions I lost track. Then when the third person in the love triangle finally had enough and it was just he and I alone, he started feeling suffocated (because we only want what we can't have, right?), so he'd pull away and then I'd be the one coming running after HIM.
We both obsessed and obsessed and obsessed over it until he pushed me away for good, I chased after him one last time, had a meltdown, and it was horrific.
Really. Insanity. And I'm still not totally over it. Maybe never will be.
looking back now, I'm pretty sure that the two relationships in my life that resulted in me having major meltdowns were with BPDs, or people with those traits - just the dynamic you describe, and yeah, "over it" is not the right expression.
I suppose in order for it to have a chance, both parties would have to be extremely aware of their own BS and able to control it - not so sure about that. Trouble is also that in our respective avoidance strategies we have the finger right on each other's triggers - he does triangulation, which sets me off, I do disappearing acts, which sets him off (I have my passport in my bag at all times just in case i need to switch country...).
But if I heed the voice of sanity and end this now - bang, I will be the one who lit the fuse. Not an appealing idea at all.
Damn. Time machine, anyone?
In theory, it could work very well... Both having the same condition should lead to a better understanding of each other... But in reality, I'd guess it would be an absolute train wreck!
I could only speak from my own experience having dating another borderline. I guess the best way to explain it was nothing short of a cataclysmic disaster zone.
I am a functional borderline. A term I tread lightly around because everyone has different definitions as to what this is. She was severely dysfunctional, and extremely toxic despite her condition. This resulted in my own symptoms exploding like a dormant volcano. Eventually my ability to function was also compromised and worsening every moment I was with her.
Of course there is the opposite side to this. The highs of this relationship was equally as euphoric and addicting as the lows were tumultuous. I couldn't bear to leave her, and greatly feared her abandonment.
The result was total devastation. She was hiding something from me (probably married), and when she was forced to face the truth when I put her on the spot despite knowing what she would do, she fled. Part of me wonders if I purposely did so because I did not have the strength to leave her, another part just really needs to know the truth and I do not have any closure.
In short, it really effin sucked
I know how that feels
You probably did it on purpose to protect yourself. I know I did.It's ok! The feeling of not having closure/truth is crushing.
But the truth is hiding there: she fled...
In one way or another, I believe this is true. I was being torn down at such remarkable efficiency that I started deploying my own methods to sabotage the relationship. I feared her abandonment more than anything, but also needed it before I was completely destroyed. I couldn't leave her. Even if she came clean, I wouldn't have left her. So I believe I eventually acted out subconsciously in order to make her flee.
I know that I could find the truth if I really wanted to. Closure will come at the cost of immeasurable pain, and as difficult as that is, perhaps ignorance truly is bliss, but there truly is very little what she could do worse that my own mind hasn't imagined on its own. Devaluation hurts like crazy.
But remember, you have 50% responsibility. No more!
Yea, I have no idea what I was thinking when I posted this thread. How could anything fantastic come from 2 people who are struggling to cope with major issues regardless of what they are. It would be very rare.
Honestly? I don't know if I am just too naïve or idealistic, but I do think two sick people can have a decent relationship, if they are both committed to the relationship.
Would it be a fireworks relationship? Definitely not. But still, could be something beautiful & sincere, just with more bumps than normal couples.
I believe it's possible, but they will face great challenges, especially with the avoidance of tandem triggers. However, a borderline is better suited to partner with someone grounded, and emotionally regulated. Someone very caring, and with a good set of emotional armor. They will need it.
My therapist treats a borderline couple, and tells me how hard they have to work to keep things level. They love each other very much, and are married, but they've no doubt have clashed with great emotional magnitude. I agree that a functional relationship between two borderlines to be very rare.
There are advantages though. In the case of my last relationship neither of us knew we were borderline at the time, but if we did, we would've had a whole new subject to explore together, and we would have something else to talk about other than sex.
Speaking of sex, if you imagine that sex between two borderlines would likely be very passionate and intense, you have no idea how right you are.
There would be certain understandings that a non-borderline partner just will never be able to relate to.
The positive energy between the two will feed itself every bit as strongly as the negative energy does. You have to remember that this BPD thing gives us the full power of both sides of the passion spectrum.
I'm sure there are many more, but that chaos factor weighs pretty damn heavy.
I don't know...I think I could when I was young; I remember feeling very loved by my grandparents. Even as an adult, I felt loved by them, especially my grandfather, but I missed the last decade+ of his life due to avoiding family so I didn't have to embarrass them with what a failure I was, compared to the other grandchildren. Other than that, I've never accepted or returned love. Are we ever able to fix it? I'm not even capable of having a relationship - I try to fool myself into believing I am, but as soon as someone shows any interest, I'm repulsed by them. Even if I was the one initially chasing them.
I think I once dated a borderline, I heard later from someone he was borderline, and I was undiagnosed so I had no idea I was, it was a short term relationship, mostly a sexual relationship. I t was chaotic nonetheless, we both triggered our self destructive tendencies and drank a lot and I remember being very loud and making scandals and all, which I don't remember doing before. He left me and it was the first time someone dumped me so I tried to do anything to get him back cause my ego was hurt. It was a pretty toxic relationship, but I can't really tell if he was borderline cause I only heard a rumor about that. I think I've never really had a "normal" relationship, maybe only once but very short term, so I really don't know what it's like to have something normal. And now I've been single for such a long time that I wouldn't know how to deal with a relationship. I have to consider that despite that relationship I was telling first, I've always tried to be the "sane" part of the relationship, which eventually has caused people to take advantage of me. Sometimes I feel really lonely, but after such bad experiences sometimes I don't want to ever being in a relationship, I can't handle more abuse. But then I think I need one, I just don't know how to get one anymore. I got tottally f*cked up.
Speaking of sex, if you imagine that sex between two borderlines would likely be very passionate and intense, you have no idea how right you are.
That's true. It applies to many PD+PD cases
I believe it, and it makes total sense that it would apply more often than not. If you want crazy sex, get a crazy partner!
Haha! That's a good catch line for any potential partner.
I've been engaged to another borderline for three years now. I'd be lying if I said it's been perfect, but along with the lows there's a lot of highs that are really worth it. I find it easier than being with a non since he understands why I behave the way I do (and vice versa). I never get bored which I imagine I would with a non, and I've learned a lot about myself that I wouldn't have known otherwise from it too. The sex is definitely interesting.
everyone knows borderlines only like nps's and psychopaths
Ha! Right? The criterion, "Pervasive pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships." really is just a way of sugar coating the fact that we are drawn to alpha male douchebags and batsh*t crazy women where there is a snowflake's chance in hell that it will work out with them. I mean, how can we be happy if we are not unhappy?
When I really think about it, borderlines are probably drawn to each other. Many of these pairings likely exist, and they just don't know they're dating a borderline.
J-e-a-l-o-u-s
I think that's the first time anyone's ever said that to me! Ha.
I mean I wouldn't know any different really because this is my first serious relationship, but I can't imagine a non actually wanting to put up with me. I guess that's because I've only ever met people who really aren't willing to understand, but yeah.
Love IT!
"If you want crazy sex, get a crazy partner!"
The quote of the week!
Some good dialogue coming out of this thread after-all.
Thanks for chiming in everyone.
With trust and good communication, and if both people are strong enough to really address and work on their own issues? I think it is not only possible but could be quite beautiful.
I know how stupid I seem but I want to date a BPD. I feel like if I date someone like me then I'm safe and maybe we can help each other. I feel like if I date someone as fragile as I am that I won't get hurt as badly. I know that sounds selfish but I feel like no one truly understands BPD's only BPD's. I dont know what it's like to deal with someone like this but I feel like if I can see it from another human being then it'll put things into perspective.
I'm not sure of other people's experiences, and I haven't dated someone also with BPD, but I can just imagine the rage fests...That's enough to have me think twice about it.
To be honest, I'd imagine the emotional turbulence can be a problem. Though if you're both working on getting it under control and are well on your way, those emotions won't necessarily become a problem. To be honest though, you're probably not going to have it necessarily better or worse than a relationship with someone who isn't bpd. The lack of trust can be an issue though. Two people with trust issues can be a bad thing.
I would say this would depend on both the people, not their disorders.
A BPD and an empathetic, understanding non is a great combination.
Two BPDs who can be understanding towards each other and have enough control to keep from really setting off their partner.
Don't look for a partner who has a certain disorder. Let someone who loves you and is willing to be there and help you be in your life, regardless of their mental state.
my experience? blissfully painful. but i'd do it all over again.
I think this place is so effed up that its hard to find a good "normal"
person who would want to actually be in a relationship with me when I
have two kids with two different people and also have BPD. I've dated
someone for almost four years but I cut him off because I thought
someone else was more interested in me and I thought he deserved someone
better. Now I was on and off again with my current ex for about two
years and he was good at first until I was talking to someone else
although nothing happened and things changed from there. He said he
loves me and will stay with me until I get better and I believed it
until yesterday he finally called it quits (again). I don't necessarily
want to be with a BPD or another person with a mental illness I just
want to be with someone who can accept me and not judge me and just be
supportive and at the same time love me in doing so and also understand
that I have BPD it doesn't have me and I'm trying to control it without
letting it control me.
Correct me if I am wrong,
but they (our partners... BPDs, NPDs, AsPDs, HPDs, NONs, normals)
they also want to be with someone who can accept them... do we accept them?
they also want to be with someone who does not judge them... do we judge them?
they also want to be with someone who is supportive... are we supportive?
cutting them off because we thought someone else was more interested in us...
talking to someone else although nothing happened...
is not acceptance, neither it is support...
“It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
but they (our partners... BPDs, NPDs, AsPDs, HPDs, NONs, normals)
they also want to be with someone who can accept them... do we accept them?
they also want to be with someone who does not judge them... do we judge them?
they also want to be with someone who is supportive... are we supportive?
cutting them off because we thought someone else was more interested in us...
talking to someone else although nothing happened...
is not acceptance, neither it is support...
“It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
Why is it so hard to feel complete as one person? Why is the need for someone else so instilled in my brain that I feel like without them, I am just stuck in a world I am just hoping would end? Sleep is the only sanctuary. Just waiting every day, getting by every minute just trying to think of when it will be time for me to crawl into bed and shut my head off for just a second so I can have some sort of inner peace. But even my sleep has been betraying me and I have been having nightmares about my paranoia and I wake up drenched in sweat. All I've ever wanted was to find someone who loves the way I love them. Does that mean I can only get the true love my body and soul thirsts for from another BPD? Another person who has the same emotional intensities and can have compassion on a level I do? I have recently just got out of a serious relationship and since the break up have been diagnosed with BPD. I have so much guilt and feel like if I had known and had been going to therapy and everything I am now that our relationship could have worked. I feel like nomatter what I will always be alone though. Because everyone who doesn't think the way I do looks at me like I'm crazy when I try to make them understand? I need to be with someone who can understand what I'm saying. Someone who I don't have to feel like I am ashamed of myself when I am with them. Someone who recognizes despite my small slip ups I am trying so hard, with all my might and who can appreciate that. Is such a thing possible or am I really destined to be alone?? I just want to be whole and happy
My partner has BPD as do I and so many people have said it can be one of two ways
1) The best and most understanding strong relationship ever.
2) The most explosive break up ever.
If you have a relationship with another BPD person, the arguments ARE really explosive but the rest of the relationship is so strong and amazing because you are more in tune with eachother.. Having a relationship with someone without BPD is only abit harder because the other person doesn't understand what your thoughts are and feelings are as much.. Don't be in a relationship just to fill up your loneliness.. Surround yourself with friends and family until you find the right person for you.. <3 I hope this helped <3
I dont know if this has a chance in working... Ive just started dating someone who has BPD. The thing is, I have several BPD traits, but not full blown BPD. Or maybe it would be better to say I am recovering from BPD and making improvements each year, but no longer have enough of the characteristics to match a full diagnosis. It was never formally diagnosed, but the symptoms/behaviors/outcomes are all key indicators.
Anyway, this new person seems to match up rather well in terms of keeping up with my energy level, emotional attachment... etc. However, this person is definitely strong, diagnosed BPD currently working towards recovery but very definitely still in the throes of the personal battle. They are absolutely making clear progress and are recognizing their behaviors for their origination so that is good, but it will still be a ways for them to go.
My question is, is it possible that this match can work? Could our energies/moods/demons match each other. Neither of us has been successful with weaker individuals and we seem to have very similar styles... but could that also be a total disaster? Im highly communicative and so is he so we seem to be talking through alot of areas right from the beginning, but we are also certainly in the early intense phase.
I have no doubt that it will be challenging, but thats the part of me that also knows it would keep me engaged. I certainly pursue challenges. Would this be a total backsliding for all the progress I have made? Admittedly, all my progress has been self-driven. Ive not had access to the help or sought it out before because I really didnt know it was a disorder, just thought it was something wrong with me I needed to fix and I have. I had some horrible high/low relationships when I was younger, I was self destructive (still struggle with that) and I did once make a cry for help as a teenager. Ive just been working to improve my issues without knowing the root. I think I will now seek out professional guidance so that I can continue my path since I now know its not just my personal defect.
Anyway, what do you think are the chances of this matching up? Of course we all know I will probably still do it anyway.
I don't want to say this is a relationship destined to be doomed. I don't want to say that this is the worst match because of BPD. No one can predict what the outcome will be......
Just have faith, anything is possible. Just think postive that it will work. The more you stress with the question of "what are the chance of this match up", the more unnecessary pressure you'll bring into the relationship. Just focus on the postive things. Realize that EVERY SINGLE relationship will have it's ups and downs, BPD or not. No one in this world shares equal amounts of thoughts and stengths....so sometimes one person in the relationship has to be alittle stronger/have more faith/more positivism.
Having dealt with your own BPD on your own, you seem to come across as a strong person. Continue to stay strong and focused...everything will fall into place.
You have to take it as it comes....but ultimately learn how to let go of things. Not hold grudges...everyone gets angry, everyone gets upset, people yell scream, say foul things, people get mean. Anger is an inevitable and important component in every relationship. | |
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