life fuck you, fuck it back

Wouldnt it be an amazing story if you just fuck it and had an awesome life. I would fight to live basically to tell life to suck it.

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[–]furixx 2 điểm 4 năm trước đây

i have a very similar background to SnowballEffect and this is exactly what i did. you can always start a completely new life.

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[–][đã xóa] 4 năm trước đây

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[–]furixx 7 điểm 4 năm trước đây

i left my family at 15 and have not looked back since. taught myself a specialty which i can do online from anywhere in the world, and took off travelling solo. after about a year i ended up settling in thailand, where i lived on an island, in the jungle a short walk through an amazing asian village to a paradisical beach, and worked for US companies from my porch there. as far as residual mental problems are concerned, i studied yoga and meditation to counteract those. i moved back to the states last year and have made some excellent friends here, and am still working on my own terms, am well off and mostly well adjusted too. just decide what you want, and find a way to get it.

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[–]toiletpastries 2 điểm 4 năm trước đây*

I can elaborate what I've done. I've also had a similar experience. I'm almost 24 and I can say I feel I've started a new life. What I do now...
1). GO OUTSIDE
I know this sounds very simple but it helps. Go on walks. Visit attractions no matter how stupid. Take in a sunset while enjoying a nice (or alcoholic) beverage. Just get out of the f-ing house.
2). Exercise
Simple enough. It only takes about 10-30 minutes. Walk, push-ups, crunches, jumping jacks. You don't need to buy equipment. It seems like a small task but it definitely makes you feel better.
3). You say you have 3 friends that see you as a threat? These people aren't your friends. I basically dropped almost all of my friends. I realized I kept most of them as a social status. None of them would really be there for me if I needed them. I now have 3 good friends who make me feel self-worth and appreciated. Make new friends. This is probably the hardest to do but find what makes you most comfortable. I made my friends either through work or through association with others.
4). This might not help but it's a suggestion. Go dating but try your hardest not to expect anything. Rejection could make you feel worse but when you find attention from someone you're attracted to you might start feeling better about yourself.
5). And most importantly. Do what JukePenguin said. Forget the way you think now and fucking change. Don't be mopey and think about the past and how fucked up it made you. I did that for about 20 years and I can't say I enjoyed that. Just change the way you think. Fuck life over by being happy.
I really hope to see an AMA by you in a few months saying how fucking awesome you feel.

My advice is very simple... take up running, or at least walking, and use that time to think. Try to work up to an hour a day, every day, and use the time to work on things.

I make petty things into larger problems than they probably really are, but deep down I know I need to shut up and deal with it because there are people out there with a much rougher time than I myself have. I just try to help when I can and push my mediocre "problems" aside to help someone else.

It's understandable because you've had to come from where not many would make it (I know I wouldn't be able to live like that), be proud that it's part of your past but try not to make it into your future. You can always make changes. As for my problems, I don't "downplay" them I just know I need to step up and make the necessary changes to solve the problems, and realize life isn't all that bad if you make it the way you want it.

Yep. The first step is the hardest.

If anyone is going to make a change it has to be you. Believe in yourself.

I will be your friend. :)

you might be a mess, but it really is about perspective. you have the ability to understand that you have had a massive wad of shit handed to you, and will always have a choice to swallow it whole and accept that what has happened in the past cannot dictate your future. I understand that you know also that it is a chunk of your life and yes; it'll be something you struggle with everyday. People like you can go one of two ways: either swallow the shit or let the shit swallow you.
Honey you're a Phoenix waiting for your rebirth and you'll rise from the ashes one day to become something great. you have to believe that though an internalize overcoming your hardships. best of luck to you and like others who extend their hands in the past, I'll do the same. PM if you need an ear to talk into. Best of luck in creating your own luck.

Row your boat...Life is but a dream. You are doing fine,Look around and you will one day notice that.

The world is spun. You put it all on the line, upfront on here!Perfect and Brave. If you were perfect you never could be brave,isn't brave much better? Yes...Yes..much! light to you!

AGHH. I am a monster and I know it. A psychopath underneathe and basically I'm afraid of the day when something causes me to snap.

I feel like this sometimes. But if you keep trying. Have a good time with friends, do things that interest you. Do the things that are satisfying and fulfilling. Nothing else matters but to enjoy the precious short consciousness you have.

I wish you luck turning your life around.
Personally I think this would be more appropriate, and you would get even more good advice, if you posted it in /r/advice or similar.

 Dont take medicine. Go the library and read. Look in your local papers for singles meet ups. Go visit a large city and walk around. Visit museums, eat at a nice outdoor cafe. Join a hobby club. Look up towns near where you live and find activites. Find anything to do thats different than what you do now. Dont dwell on the past... dont, just dont do it. Take lots of deeps breaths, and long walks. Think positive thoughts. Go get your hair done and put on some nice make up. Buy a pet too :)


I feel for you. I've been through a bunch of shit like that. I've faced upset, after upset. I've wanted to snap. I have snapped. It was not pretty.
But at the end of the day I tell myself this. The world gives these problems to people like us because the world knows we can take it. Anyone weaker would have given up and not have graduate high school. Anyone weaker would have not SEEKED out the opportunity to go to college. Anyone weaker would have taken their life.
So it is our job to continue, survive, and more importantly succeed. We are a testament to the strength and spirit that is humanity.

"Using my past as crutch? See, it's those attitudes that I encounter that make me feel hopeless. I do not intend to use my past as a crutch for anything. It's a HUGE part of who I am, and why I am the way I am. There are lots of behaviors that I have adapted that other people don't understand because they've not experienced the kinds of things I have experienced. "
You should feel hopeless, because you aren't willing to let go of the past and change who you are. These "behaviors" probably make most sane and normal people run the other way.
"The problem with relationships is that in order for someone to be able to be successful with me, they're going to need to know where I came from, which is the catch-22 because I am certain that as soon as I express these things red flags appear all over the place. They run, understandably. The ones that stay are ones that "want to fix me" and eventually they just get frustrated and angry with me because they can't help. It's a losing battle."
It sounds like you want to continue as is and find someone that will put up with your nutty bullshit behaviors. For most people (unless they are as fucked up as you), this will result in a miserable relationship. The only guys that would stay in this situation will have no balls (your previous posts about your past relationships back this up). Life is too short. Why would I waste my time trying to fix you, when there is someone out there with less problems that will make me happier?
"I can't even be mad at that, because I won't date anyone with these kinds of problems. I dated a bipolar thinking they would get it...nooooo....definitely not."
You are using your past as a crutch. It was a shitty situation, but it's best not to define your life with something so negative. Move on and try to define your life with something more positive. The real problem isn't your relationships or your parents, it's you.

wow.. so harsh

yeah, well. This is the reason she's still a mess. People haven't told her the truth..which is harsh.

"It's not the truth. It's your perception. You think other people haven't taken your simplistic "Stop being a sissy" approach with me before? Wrong. In fact, that's how most people react...because they're uneducated about the effects of abuse on a long-term scale."
For starters, you are trying to rely on other people to fix your problems. You need to fix them yourself.
It sounds like you want a guy to be the father you never had. From your earlier posts, you mention guys losing their spine and then you treating them like shit (and you you just wish they would put their foot down). This is a father, not a partner.
"Also, I never said I wanted a guy to fix me. In fact, I stated that they COULD NOT fix me."
why should they? I've learned that you can change people about 1% (unless they really try to change themselves).

"I read these things as a glimpse into why I make decisions differently than others. Why my peers don't seem to have the same struggles as I do with everyday things. Just because it's not a visible, physical impairment and just because I am not obviously mentally deficient....does not mean that there isn't something wrong beyond my total control."
It sounds like you are smart enough to know that you can change your behavior.
"So, in that sense...yes, it is ME. I am the problem because my brain is the problem."
This is where you are wrong. I didn't have the best childhood (it wasn't as bad as yours). However, I decided one day that I wanted to change myself and I have (it took lots of effort and many years). There are many behaviors that you do pick up from your parents, but they can be changed. It just takes your willingness to change and lots of effort. Most people aren't willing to go through this effort.
"You sound like someone who has been in position with someone that has driven you up a wall with their behaviors."
No, I'm a person that has had some of these behaviors and was able to change them.
"If you can find someone without these kinds of problems and can be successful with them...then good for you. "
Everyone has problems. But not everyone defines their life by them. If someone I am dating has problems and they are at least attempting to be positive, I will do everything I can to help. But, when someone is negative all the time, it brings down everyone around them.
Your posts above about the "spineless" guys that you dated are what really got to me. They were only trying to help you and you treated them like shit and talk as if they are part of the problem. This is why I don't think you have put enough effort into helping yourself.

Personally I'm not an advocate of medication, simply because it does as you describe: instead of eliminating problems, it numbs or suppresses negative feelings, oftentimes taking the positive feelings down as well.
Though your story is deeply painful, I'd like to remind you that you are not alone; there are those who have suffered as greatly or greater than yourself. Some manage to turn their strife into incredible good, and it's always within your reach to do the same. Whenever you're ready for a turning point, YOU have the power to turn the negative past experiences into a positive future. A therapist can help you realize and better understand yourself, but you must take that first risk to commit to self-love and self-care in order to change.

everyone needs love, recognition etc but when you have bpd you have conflicting emotions towards it i.e. a strong desire to be close to someone but when you do get close feeling threatened by it too which can lead to behaviour which might potentially sabotage the relationship.

as far as I understand BPD is caused usually by problems in early childhood relationships. Perhaps because for what ever reasons your closest relationships with parents were inconstant and therefore gave you mixed messages about what you needed to do to get affection. at times you may have got your needs met but at others carers may have ignored you or been angry. ( these are just examples everyones situation is different)

We also rely on early relationships to give us a healthy sense of identity and self worth, if you have have had sufficient empathy and nurturing in childhood you are ideally able to develop ways to nurture yourself i.e. by giving yourself the same messages to yourself as a caring parent might do when you are hurt or lonely. When you have BPD you haven't learnt to do this for yourself so rely on others more heavily to provide this psychological 'containment' One focus of therapy might be about developing these nurturing skills.

People with BPD can also find themselves anxious about relationships when the person is not close by
which leads to distress and fear of abandonment


No, a person with Borderline Personality Disorder can NOT love someone to the fullest ALL the time ... but neither can a normal person. I think that you have already answered your own question ... you love HER and how that you know her problem it makes her more special to YOU. BPD is a very 'odd' mental health problem, and without having access to your girlfriend's 'records' I can't give you a 'good diagnosis' ... but assuming that she gets good care, her life should be 'fairly normal' ... so the real question isn't can SHE love you to the fullest, but DO YOU LOVE HER TO THE FULLEST? As for 'truly fall all the way in love' ... that is just the 'beginnings' of loving someone ... and I doubt that a person with BPD can do that ... but they can truly love a person, especially a person who loves them and sticks by them even though they have this problem ... so my big question to you is one directing you to take a good look at yourself ... your girlfriend may have some very BAD times ahead, as well as some very GOOD times ... and if you can say that you will love her and be with her during the BAD times, then the good ones you'll be there too. I've known quite a few people with BPD ... some can marry and live a good life with their partner, and others are only 'self-centered' and can't ... but the ones who do marry are the ones who are not as 'self-centered' and who don't 'act out' as much because they KNOW their partner loves them no matter what. It's really UP TO YOU what you will do ... but if you do decide to marry your girlfriend, then you are in for the 'ride of a lifetime' ... because you LOVE HER and she LOVES YOU, and not because she has a 'disorder.'


"Tonight is a bad night."

I am sorry to hear that. The good news is that tomorrow morning you will receive a precious gift - 86,400 seconds of opportunity to make this world better than it was before you got here.

Please keep this in mind: You are not a human doing. You are a human being.

What that means is that you are not your experiences, you are not your bad decisions, you are not the aspects of your personality that you dislike - in fact, you are just the opposite. The fact that you hate behaving along the lines of self-destructive patterns tells me that you are being incongruent with who you really are (and who you deserve to become).

I speak from experience, my dear. I may not have BP, but people who've been given that terrible label are hardly the only ones in modern society who've struggled to feel deserving. In fact, it's an epidemic these days and the most common challenge I am faced with in my confidence coaching practice with all of my clients (none of whom have PDs or any other diagnosis for that matter).

Feeling unworthy is always about unconsciously connecting our self-worth to experiences in our past that have nothing to do with who we are (and no longer matter). We, as a society are typically brainwashed into creating these false associations that destroy our self-esteem and self-worth.

Once you learn how to release the feelings connected to events in your past that no longer serve you, you will become the person you deserve to be ... and more importantly, you'll become comfortable receiving the love you deserve to have


I am a non BPD, but feel compelled to say something about this, because I think often THE main question is when having a relationship/friendship with a pwBPD, Does/did s/he loves me, are was/is it all fake?
There is a saying that if you donot love yourself, you cannot love somebody else. This might be true to some level.
I do believe however I have experienced (and still do) a very intensive love from a pwBPD (as so many things can be so intense with BPD). Is it a different love that a non? I think so. The love appears to be only there when we are together in the same place. This could have a lot to do with pwBPD missing object constancy.
It also depends how you define 'love'...


And every other combination in the book. The disorder doesn't make the person, how the person learns to handle the disorder is what makes the person.