non confess 3

Hi all, (Jophil - I've read your posts and believe you have experience here.) I don't know what's going on with me these past few days. I broke things off with my exgf (a BPD waif) 6 mos ago. We have had NO contact whatsoever in the past 4 mos. I am with someone else and have just realized (much like a piano falling on me) hat I am not at all over her. Was I AFC - I guess according to the laws written herein, I was. I did however fall for her completely and had no prior knowledge of her insanity. Jophil - she has not tried to contact me once - and I know I should feel blessed about this, but I don't. I still feel the need for some validation. Like, if she contacted me and I just ignored it, I'd feel completely better. I don't get why I feel I need this?? Geezus do they eff you up. Don't ever get involved with them people... If you think you can beat them, you can't. Take fair warning... I only knew this lady for 11 months meeting to ending... My 10 year marriage ended with my wife cheating on me (we were together for 6 years prior to marrying) and I'd say if you could compress that pain along with the pain of a hostile 1 year divorce process into one, you'd have about 1/10 of the pain the BPD situation has created for me (though I do know I am not the victim, but the source of the pain). I don't even know what I'm looking for here... I feel like my soul has been stripped from me. EVERYDAY I think of her still. I miss her, hate her, and love her with everything I am. I haven't felt this low about it all in some time, I guess it's caught me off guard. I know I should stay away and won't contact her, but I can't help but want to hear from her again. WTF is wrong with me?
Your reaction and your yearning is exactly what happens to those who are unfortunate enough to draw a BPD Waif in life's lottery. There is nothing wrong with you.. you have NOT pursued her, begged, pleaded or tried to get back with someone who is toxic.. That means that you have chosen your own mental health over and above that feeling of relief and pleasure that her mere presence would bring you .(You do know what I mean when I talk about that, don't you ?) There is, however, a lot wrong with her, and right now, know that she is pulling the same scams on some other good man who has no clue about what a BPD Waif looks like or sounds like . He will be just as besotted with her demure and her uber-feminine ways. He will fall for her 'fragile' personality and her girl/woman mannerisms. And eventually he will taste the sweet poison. Thank God that you are out. I do know exactly what you mean... I've been trying to view her as a drug (and I'm the addict who knows better but still wants a taste). Thought I would have gotten beyond this by now. Never had such a tough break... That's true, the BPD's do come after you when you are down. My last BPD came after me when I was laid off from my job. As soon as she heard I was laid off, she wanted to go out and "buy me drinks". I was the wounded animal. Good thing I took the layoff in stride and found a better job. I think she wanted to control me. I was suffering like the OP from a BPD breakup. Then I met my new BPD and forgot all about the old one. Now I am broken up with both of them and I am glad they are gone. I've had enough. Maybe the OP needs to meet another BPD and get his fill until he's sick of them. I don't miss them at all anymore You are probably describing the behavior of an ACoA rather than a BPD. Their behaviors are similar and their symptoms overlap but BPDs do not usually "rescue" men like ACoA's do. Instead, BPD's seek stronger men to rescue them from their " I am all alone " demons. Certainly both types try to control men. ACoA's do so by endless "helping" and making themselves indispensible, and BPD's by flooding your consciousness with gushing sweet sexuality - with all the trimmings. Beware both types- neither is capable of an adult relationship - not even close Yet, BPD's often target the nice guys that will put up with them rather than the NPD/ASPD guys that will use them and put them on their as$. Are you sure you're not using this rationale to justify destroying more men to selfishly whitewash over your own insecurities rather than face them in therapy? If the complaints you brought up keep you from victimizing more men, so be it. I wont argue them. There are male BPDs too you know. __ BPD girlfriends common treads I have come to learn of borderline personality disorder through an obsessive search for answers in the horrible aftermath of the greatest love I have ever known. What I learned was three of the four heartbreaks of my life were at the hands of BPD's. The fourth was just your everyday lying, selfish bitch, but who knows. I believe we all have a little personality disorder sometimes. The common threads of the three women in focus were: 1. All initially pursued me. 2. All told me what I wanted to hear. Flattery. A lot of it. 3. All were victims who claimed they were mistreated by their past lovers. 4. All were sexually aggressive, very satisfying and were undeniably satisfied. 5. All claimed we were soul mates. 6. All needed great attention. 7. All projected their flaws and insecurities on me. 8. All were so much fun to be with. On and off. 9. All lied, cheated and left with far less attractive men. None of those relationships lasted long. 10. All betrayed me and showed little if any genuine remorse. It was as if I suddenly meant nothing, for no reason and was given no explanation. Any attempt to get one was met with childlike frustration, insults or silence. There was no changing their decision or working out the mystery problem. Its important to note that all BPD's are not equal. To keep it simple, they can be broken down into two groups. The outward aggressive and the passive aggressive. The outward being the classic raging, insulting, physically abusive and cruel bitch. The passive being the sweet and innocent lying machine. Referred to as the "Quiet" or "Waif" bpd. It has been my experience that the passive one can be far more damaging to you psychologically and spiritually. Reason being. You don't know that you have been abused the whole time until it's too late. A classic BPD gives you more then enough instability to say to yourself.... " I can't deal with this the rest of my life".  I am feeling generous today so I will remind you. These people a very sick and need a ton of compassion. However not from you anymore. They need a good therapist. Most likely so do you. I think, I have just about made every wrong decision in dealing with this problem at one time or another with one girl or another. Many times I knew what to do but the emotion of heart break got the best of me. I will be sharing everything in a very unprofessional way if need be. Thoughts on how to get her back and also why you really don't want to do that. Either way it's the same advice and your best course of action anyway. I assume this will work the same for women as men. BPD is BPD. Borderline men are less talked about, more dangerous and probably the reason women think all men are pigs. If I help one person get through one day. It's worth it